Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Things That Cannot Be Replaced
It is the things that cannot be replaced that make me so sad. This is the reality for an addict, and the aftermath of addiction. There are pieces of our lives that will be forever destroyed. There are things lost in the fire, both possessions and otherwise...that just cannot be replaced. I thought I dealt with this enough in my life.
Then, I am robbed. They took my old computer that still had a lot of writing on it. It still had all my Flip videos of my son as a baby. Videos of him and my grandfather, who passed away this summer. I backed it all up on a external hard drive...and those mother fuckers took this, too. All those videos, all that writing...lost.
I went through this with addiction, too many times. I could not pay my storage shed fee, and everything was sold. Journals I kept for years, pictures, mementos. Then, years go by...and I lose it all again in the Hurricane. It is the things I cannot replace that always bothered me so much. Wedding pictures. Journals. My books with comments scrawled all along the margins. Keepsakes, mementos. You can never get those kinds of things back. I thought I had dealt with this already.
And it happens again. This time, to no fault of my own. Still, I am heartbroken about the videos. The videos of my son and my grandfather...I will never get those back. And those are the only videos he would have ever seen of my son and my Pop together. I am just so sad about that. Why did they take the back up drive, too?
I have been through this already. I should know this emotion. But, this time it is worse. There are some things in life you just cannot replace...ever...no matter how hard you try. I know this sounds whiny and cliche...but, it is just not fair. And I do not want to deal with all this again.