Sunday, December 12, 2010


Reading some blogs today written by people in early stages of recovery....and I think back to those days. It seems like so long ago, but I remember exactly what it felt like to still be obsessed with my need. I remember those days when all that I thought about was dope, dope, fucking dope...don't wanna do no dope no more. I remember how the streets of my beloved city looked different, their hue a little more grey, my insides a little more blue. My feet dragging along behind me because I barely have the strength to stand theses days. Waves of nausea cascading for months and months and months...when I least expect it.

Uncomfortable. I shake and I twitch and I really wish I would itch. I moan and I groan and I really wish I could hone in...on some dope. Dope, dope, fucking dope...its all I ever think about. Invading my thoughts and my wishes and my dreams, there like a constant reminder in the back of my head. Droning on and on like a television you cannot shut off.

It gets better, I promise. A day, into a week in a month and a year...pretty soon, your thoughts of dope get further and further apart...

1 comment:

  1. Honestly, success stories are so important to read.. you know how all you hear is how few people ever get and stay clean from heroin...!

    I know I can do it though!