Ruby red,
Warm and inviting
Tannic...
Metallic.
Blood
Warm in
My mouth
Tinged
With
Bittersweet
Heroin.
Warm, red...
In my mouth...
Moments before
I get high....
I remember
Days of confusion
And mental rain.
Drenched in Vodka
Somewhere in Rhode Island.
I barely
Even remember
My mom visited.
Drenched in cheap
Vodka
And drowning
In those
Waters still.
Listening to
The Killers.
I see him still
Singing
With a cane
And sunglasses
In the house.
Mind
Reeling
Body
Reeling
Methadone
And crack and vodka
Did I mention
Trazedone and Codeine
Seroquel and Lorazepam
Klonopin
And lots and lots
Of fucking stress.
It was
The beginning
Of the end.
No, you silly girl
The beginning
Of the end
Happened
A long, long time
Before.
A fishing line
Strung up
Strung out
Lots of events
Hanging
Like dirty laundry
In my
Backyard.
Too many
Things
Transpired.
Unmentionable
In my head
Alone.
Trying to keep
My head
Above water.
All the while
I spin and weave
These tales
That are
Just dying to escape.
Sometimes
Truth
Really is
Stranger
Than fiction.
Reading your posts puts some of the mental anguish of addiction into perspective for me (I'm the mom of a recovering heroin addict). It disturbs me to read things like this, but I appreciate your sharing your thoughts, your memories, your fears and your journey. Thank you and continue to stay strong. ((prayers for you))
ReplyDeleteI find the sheer number of drugs listed here baffling. It's too easy to forget that there are so many out there to which you can become addicted.
ReplyDelete