Monday, May 17, 2010

Giving Back

It brings tears to my eyes to know that I can help others. I hope that people out there can read my work, and it can bring them hope when there was none before. The horrors of addiction are deep and wide, and the damage can be severe. Thankfully, there is redemption...and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
My sister told me several months ago that she believes my trouble actually saved her from a life of trouble as well. I have for so many years lived with the regret of not getting to know her when she was little. I felt bad that my addiction had led me so far from her, and from my father. When she told me how many times she had said "no" because of the pain I caused my family, I felt relieved. At least all the shit has had some positive impact on the ones that I love. (And the ones that I hurt through my addiction.)
It is healing to know that I can now give back. I hope my words can offer some insight into the mind of a recovered addict. I hope that I can offer some hope to families who struggle with addiction. It has taken me quite some time to put the pieces of my life back into perspective, but it can be done. And now, looking back from this vantage point...I see that my parents were right all along. I now see the insanity of it all, where previously I had no clue. Heroin takes your sanity and your reality, replacing it with bravado and a false sense of invincibility...all the while it is breaking down everything you once were. But, recovery is possible. And it is WONDERFUL.

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