Thursday, March 25, 2010

No Pants Night at The Abbey

On Thursday nights, Genevieve used to have a "No Pants Night" at The Abbey. For a while, when you went to The Abbey on Thursday nights between 6pm and 2am, Genevieve would demand your pants as soon as you ordered a drink. She would refuse service to anyone who would not take off their pants and give them to her. Genevieve kept all the pants behind the bar until you were ready to leave. Everyone in the bar was in their underwear!
One Thursday during the Jazz Festival, Liam and I decided to stop by and get Joe for a few drinks on Decatur Street. Joe lived near the Fairgrounds where the Jazz Festival was held. Liam and I stopped by his apartment after we left the Festival.
Liam and I were somewhat tired after being out all day. When we got to Joe's, he had not even taken a shower yet. Joe was a gracious guest and he gave us several bong hits to pack up and smoke while we waited for him to shower. Joe generally smoked pretty good weed, so Liam and I were at least somewhat forgiving for him not being ready.
Joe, of course, took his sweet time in the bathroom showering and primping for the evening. Liam and I looked a wreck after walking around in the sun at The Fairgrounds all day, so we were not sure what the big deal was. But, then Joe did like to look good and I guess that can take some serious time and effort.
When Joe emerged, shining, from the bathroom. He was definitely ready. He had shed the dirty smell of the kitchen he toiled away in all day. He was wearing a pink polo shirt with khaki shorts. Liam and I chuckled at the pink polo shirt, chiding Joe for his preppy attire. Once again, Joe appeased us with goodies.
"You guys are gonna leave me alone in just a minute," he says as he pulls a plastic baggie from his pocket. Inside, a shiny white powder glistened inside as it caught the overhead lights. Just what Liam and I needed to pick us up, a bump of cocaine! But, that night Joe was in a generous and buoyant mood as he dumped out a big pile onto the kitchen counter. He pulled out a credit card, smashing and cutting three fat lines. Oh yeah...
We were all smiling and buoyant on the way to The Quarter. We talked quickly, excited to be going out together, excited to be buzzing with cocaine. We were The Three Amigos at this time. We always hung out together; Liam and I watching Joe as he tried desperately to take a girl home each and every night. We all worked very closely together, and partied even closer. The three of us certainly knew how to get in some shit together!
It had not occurred to any of us that Genevieve had implemented the No Pants Night, least of all Joe. Joe had a huge crush on Genevieve, although she enjoyed blowing him off and making fun of him. Joe was convinced that, like a schoolgirl, this was Genevieve's way of saying she really did like him. He was convinced he would win her over eventually.
We get to The Abbey just before it got too crowded. We walk in, flying high from some big, fat lines. We are dying for a shot of Jameson. We are ready to get into whatever this night may bring. Floating into The Abbey, I notice that no one is wearing their pants. It dawns on me that we will have to take our pants off, too.
No use arguing with Genevieve; she does not bend easily on certain rules. And we were dying for a drink. It had been a long hour and a half since Liam and I had our last beer at The Fairgrounds. And coke can make your mouth so dry!
We order three shots of Jameson, three Hi-Lifes, and one coke back. (I need a coke back for my Jameson.) Knowing we will be refused the much needed beverages, we go ahead and shed the pants. Joe whips his off quicker than I thought possible.
Beaming, he puts them across the bar directly into Genevieve's demanding hand. I can tell by the sly smile on his face, he is not hesitant or shy. Bold and unabashed. Then, I look down to discover Joe is not wearing any underwear!
At this point, Joe looks absolutely ridiculous. He is proudly grinning from ear to ear. In retrospect, I think he had been planning this for weeks. His shirt is just long enough to ALMOST cover everything up, but not quite. So Joe is standing at the bar, Jameson in one hand and beer in another, just as happy as he could be. His pink polo hangs down, just below it his skinny legs are sticking out. If you look a little closer, you notice a little bit of his crown jewels are also sticking out. He is also still wearing his brown loafers.
Liam looks down in shock and horror. He is laughing under his breath as he steadily moves a little farther away from his friend. Later that night when Joe tries to sit down next to Liam on a bench seat, the same bewildered and laughing look takes over Liam's face. "I wouldn't sit there if I were you, dude..." he tells Joe. By that time Joe has such a good buzz on, he just looks at Liam and laughs. He makes no attempt to move. No use fighting, Liam just gets up and moves over to my side.
We are steadily drinking, as one tends to do in The Abbey. Joe disappears to the end of the bar by the front door. He is talking to a couple of ladies down there. It is obvious they are tourists, and we have never seen them before. Joe is cheesing it up like he generally did when he was giddy and buzzed. Liam and I joked about who would possibly take home the guy in the pink polo with his dick swinging all over the bar.
When Liam and I leave, Joe say he will get a ride home. He is enjoying the company of these women. He gives us no details, and we certainly do not ask. We know he will volunteer all the details in the morning anyway. Be safe, amigo...
The next morning when we get the scoop from Joe, we do not believe what we were hearing. To this day, the story here seems too crazy to be true. But, was true! The two girls were not just a couple of friends visiting New Orleans, but they were actually mother and daughter.
Joe is hitting on the daughter most of the time he talks to the two of them. He is standing there in the pink polo with his dick hanging out just a little, and somehow he still manages to charm both mother and daughter. The mother agrees to let her daughter go back to Joe's place. She just requires that he leave his driver's license so she can be sure to have her daughter safely returned in the morning. She even pays their cab fare!
According to Joe, he had a great time but he did not get much sleep. In the morning, he promptly returned daughter to her mother, and the three of them went out to breakfast! (Of course, mom footed the bill here, too.) The three of them had a jolly breakfast, laughing and joking about last night. I think the mother was probably just happy her daughter was returned in one piece.

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