Saturday, February 27, 2010

Dog Shit

Everyone knows that when you have a dog in the city, you MUST clean up its poop. It is an irresponsible of a pet owner to let their dog shit on the sidewalk and then leave it there for someone to step in! I have never owned a dog, but I have seen lots of dog shit on the sidewalk. And I have stepped in it, too.
We had a neighbor on Port Street who never cleaned up her dog's shit. It was baffling because she drove a hippie bus, had dreadlocks, and was always talking about peace and spreading the love. Spread the shit, too I guess. To make matters worse, she owned a very large Rottweiler. If you have ever seen a Rottweiler's shit, it is almost as big as a horse's and much nastier. We were forever dodging the hippie's dog shit on the 800 block of Port Street. She just let the motherfucker out without a leash and let him wander off to take a shit where ever he pleased.
Constant dog shit on the sidewalk gets irritating. But, when it interferes with the flow of heroin that is when enough becomes enough. How could dog shit affect my daily fix? Well...I will tell you about the day the shit hit the fan...or the windshield of a hippie bus.
My dope dealer had lost his leg sometime before I had known him. I heard he had been shot. I also heard he was stabbed while in jail. I am not sure how it happened, and I never asked him. He had a prosthetic from the knee down on his left leg.
Now, my dealer was a really cool guy. He would come inside the house and visit for a minute or two. He wasn't the type of guy to just honk the horn and make the junky run out to the car. Of course, sometimes he would want you to step out, but he generally came on inside.
One day he pulled up in the Land Rover just as I was really getting anxious. I had been looking out the window for the past thirty minutes, but did not notice the stupid Rottweiler wandering outside. My dealer got out of his car, and as he approached the steps, he stepped in a huge pile of steaming dog shit that was at the base of my front steps. With his prosthetic, of course.
He comes hobbling to the door, pissed. He is muttering and cussing under his breath. He was always very calm about everything, but this had him a little riled up. He is muttering something about the damn dog owner and the huge pile of shit. I grab a roll of paper towels and help him clean it up. He slipped in it a little and it is a HUGE mess. He tracked it into my house and all over my porch. And of course, he steps in it with the prosthetic!
I get my package, all the while my dealer is still mumbling under his breath. He says I am going to have to come out to the car next time so I can be the one to step in the shit. I am just thankful he is not making me meet him elsewhere! But, damn I am pissed at my stupid hippie neighbor!
Liam is even more pissed than me. He has had dogs before, so he knows more about owner's etiquette. He storms out to the shed in the back yard and grabs a shovel. He scoops up the enormous pile of shit that is now smashed into the sidewalk. He walks right over to the neighbor's hippie bus and throws it onto her windshield. It is so heavy I can hear the thud it makes from three houses away. I can still picture that steaming shit splattering on her windshield. She never did leave any shit on the block after that!

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