Friday, October 29, 2010


There is a party raging out in the yard behind my house. There is a small bonfire, and I thought there might have even been a band...but I think it is just the radio. Looks fun. Reminds me a little of some of the gutterpunk parties I have attended, with the bonfire...

I think back to so many parties, outside with a fire. Man, those kids I used to hang out with really could drink. Really can drink, so many of them still drink like that today. Swilling cheap tequila right out of the bottle. The clear shit. The real nasty five dollar fifth. I swear that shit will make your life shorter. Keg stands by thirty year old guys who stink and haven't showered in days. Food grilling up, adding to the sweet smell of the bayou. The smell of the fire, and the food, and the liquor. Sitting out back, on an upturned bucket, or sometimes chillin right there on the ground. I see the faces of my friends around the fire through squinted alcohol eyes, swirling in smoke from cheap swag weed. Looking up, the light of the flames licks the faces of Maya, Shannon, Wick, Paul, Jordon, Kelly, Bald Paul, Mikey, KC, Angele, Kayne, Aimee, many others...

Interruption of thought, slamming right into my thoughts...something that sounded like a pop. Being from New Orleans, my thought first goes to gunshot. Then, cheering. I hear it again. My son's room is in the back. I just have to check. The mother in me takes over and goes to investigate the sound.

It is a hell of a party. I am still not sure what the pop sound was, but I am sure it is harmless. This is a nice neighborhood. I watched out the window for a while. It is loud...and there is a fucking band there! Pretty cool. Except that Lucien is sleeping in the room closest to all the ruckus. It looks fun, but I just really wish they were partying somewhere else.

I understand. It is Halloween weekend. This used to be a weekend that I partied all weekend. Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. I loved dressing up in a costume, and it was always a great excuse to party. Halloween is a big deal in New Orleans...and one of the best times of the year. I fucking love Halloween.

But, things are different for me now. I wish the party behind my quiet little piece of heaven was somewhere else. I am excited about Lucien's batman costume, but I am not even sure if I will dress up. I will not be going out to all the bars, and I will not be doing a lot of shots and lines. I will be trick or treating. And I will be in very early. I probably will not eat much candy, and I have to get some sleep because Mondays are always busy. Things have really changed for me...

And I am happy. I do not want to leave the house tomorrow to do a bunch of running around. I want to spend the whole day with my son...going to the park, taking a walk, cooking, and talking in three syllable sentences. I have an easy dinner planned, and I am looking forward to a peaceful day with my baby. I cannot wait.

My how things have changed. I never thought I would see the day that the party is just too loud. I never thought I would see the day when I chose to just stay in. Solitude. Sanity. Soul. Complete.


  1. I remember...I remember a vague sense that I was missing out on something fun, but it vanished so quickly when I looked down at my sweet baby boy. I wish those young years would have lasted longer.

    I love the way you write. I feel like I was there with you listening to the party, sneaking a peak out the window.

    Do we get pics of little Batman??? I think I will dig out my pic of Kev in his Batman costume just for you :)

  2. I also love the way you write, it does make me feel like I was right there. I hope you had a peaceful Saturday like you had planned.