Rant for the Day

We all get frustrated sometimes, I know. And we all have these days like I am having today, I know. But, I can't help but think sometimes that I just can't seem to catch a break. And, I know, I have caught lots of breaks, and I am lucky to be alive via a series of good breaks. I know, I try not to let it get me down...and I try not to get upset and scream "Its not fair." I know, life isn't fair.

I know. I know. I know. But, some things should be fair. Some things should have rules, and everyone should adhere to them. I believe that you get what you put out in this universe, but sometimes I just wonder when the people who keep fucking with me are going to get theirs. Maybe I should stop worrying about all that...it just makes it hard to deal with when it keeps happening.

Work. Fucking work. First of all, I want to say...I cannot wait to graduate in May...and I cannot wait to get a real 9 to 5, that lets me pay all my bills, and that is professional enough to hold people to some sort of standards. I am sick of the politics in the restaurant business.

Two people quit today, and there were some shifts available. I asked the manager if I could have one or two of them...after all, the holidays are coming up, and I am almost done with school for the semester. After all, I am a single mom who doesn't get much help. After all, I do not go out and spend my money on alcohol every night (like many of my fellow employees.) I was told to just wait a few minutes, and we would all get to pick up a few shifts...

Meanwhile, the rest of the servers who were also told they could not get these shifts yet, just changed the schedule anyway...picking up all the shifts I wanted for themselves and even an employee who was not even there. And when the manager found out...he did nothing. Like he couldn't be bothered. I did not make a big deal of it because it would get me nowhere. I merely pointed out that it was bullshit, but just call me if you need me on those days. And I let it lie.

At least I did then. But, it has not just been let lie. I cannot. It is not fair. I try to do everything the management wants. I always follow the rules. I do not step on others toes. And yet, I am just shoved down for all that...and those who go against the management's wishes get what they want. I know the manager's have more to worry about than a couple of server shifts, but damn...

What kind of message does it send? It rewards those who cheat. And punishes those who are honest. I do not want to be a part of that environment. I want to work in place that fires people who break the rules. I want to work in a place that is rewarding...I am tired of feeling like crap when I get home.

One of the greedy servers who changed the schedule without asking, is bitching because she has four teenage kids to buy gifts for. Her landlord told her she did not have to pay her 1000 rent this month, as a Merry Christmas gift...so wtf...you cannot get your four fucking kids nice gifts for that grand? I mentioned to her how I was just tired of juggling everything being a single mom in school with no help. She callously says, she had to struggle for a while, too...that's the way it is. Well, if it makes me greedy, and underhanded like her- I want no part of it. I like to think my struggles have made me stronger. And I like to think that I am a good and honest person, and that counts for something. I refuse to be made a callous, selfish, greedy person who will bend the rules in my favor. I did not do this kind of underhanded shit when I was a junky in need of a fix...I am certainly not going to do it now. Yet, I have been upset all day.

Why can't I just let it go? Injustices in the world. I hate it. I know, it can't all be rosy...life is not perfect...I know, I fucking know. I am just getting sick of it. And I like to think that when I move on to a real job that all this dumb shit will be over. But, I know, the truth of the matter is there will be dumb shit everywhere. There will be selfish assholes everywhere. I just hope I do not become one of them, too.