Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Some Things You Can Never Get Back

Memory shattering
Spilling out
In tiny little bits
And pieces,
From all the corners
Of my soul.

Images flashing
Back and forth on my mind
Round and round
In my head
And I think,
And I think,
About it all
Again and again.

Relive it all
Flesh drenching
Hands clenching
Muscle spasms
Head all full of muddle
Knees twitching
And all the memories
All the memories
Flooding back down
Over me.

Some things you can never get back.
Images of what
Once was.
Dark and black
And decaying.
And images of
What could have been.

All the moments in between...
And I know
Some things
You can never
Get back.

Time passed
Buried bodies
And buried memories
Wasted time
And wasted lives
And all the moments
I can never take back
Theft and brutal beating
Arms always full of bruises
Rape and ravage
Some things
You can never get back.

Images flash
Once more...
The pictures of my life
Flashing before me,
I see white light
The end of my life.
Images flash
Back and forth
On those caverns
Of my mind
Some buried
And some repressed
And others cherished...

Lives and loves lost
Lifeless, limp body
And wet muddy land.
Moments missing
And others mark me

Battle within...
On what to take
In case of fire.
And what
To leave
And let it all burn.

Some things you can never get back.
And other things you can never change.
Some of it,
We have control over,
And the rest...
Well, it is all the rest.
What you decide to do with it
Seals your own fate.

To this day,
I am still not sure what I am gonna do.
And I wish,
I could just get
A few moments back.
I swear I would not waste them.

Ahhhh, the tortures of regret.


  1. I was talking about you to my drugs counsellor today.

    It's weird, before I even knew you I remember thinking about Hurricane Katrina and wondering what on earth somebody with a gear habit would do when their entire city had been evacuated and destroyed... now I know.

    I was also comparing the dust-dry DSM diagnostic criteria to your descriptionn of post-traumatic stress disorder. How much can a bulletpointed list deviate from a reality worse than a waking nightmare more?

    You're not the only person I've heard mention psychotic-like experiences from ptsd ~ they don't even get a mention in the write-up. I know the DSM is for trained drs to match like cases with like: it never was desiged for members of the public to diagnose themselves, friends or family (which is where a lot of anti-DSM feeling stems from) but bloody hell! They don't half fall wide of the mark description wise when it comes to trauma that's so bad you've basically lost your mind.

    I was watching The Deer Hunter where Christophre Walken doesn't even know his own name. Now that's PTSD. And that film traumatized me. I was manic when I watched it and so feeling very, very intense and him and the Russian roulette and that deer foaming at the mouth all got to me a lot....

    How are you these days anyway? Congrats on graduating college ;-)

  2. You're words just blew my mind!! Just Woah!! Thankyou :)