Saturday, August 28, 2010

Stormy Hero

Let's just start tonight's writing session with a little poem to get warmed up. I have a lot brewing in my head right now, and I need to collect my thoughts and find my groove. What better way than poetry to start my flow...

Flashing back and forth
On the god damned television
Its bad enough
That those same images
Altered a little
Only because the images
Are looking out of my own eyes
Are constantly flashing
Back and forth
In my fucking head
But, it is Maddening
To also have them flashing
Back and forth
On the god damned television.
Like it isn't
Real enough.
Like I don't see that shit
Every fucking day
In my mind
At least one time.
Thoughts jarred
Memories awaken again
And I think of all the people
That I had not remembered
Seems like
It is finally real
This year.
This time
I think about the families
Of those who...
They never found again.
His parents
Always wondering
What became of him.
They must know
By now
That he is dead.
They are all dead.
Would they still have
A glimmer of hope?
Do we still have
A glimmer of hope?
I look back
Into my darkest days
And I begin to explore them
Walking through the water
Like navigating a cave,
As I look back through
The darkness in my memory.
Dig fucking deep.
Relive it all.
Each painstaking minute.
Trying to remember
That are lost
In a drug induced
State of being
Still I try to recover
Those holes.
With no help
From that god damned tv
Filling in the images
Where the time and space
Keep coming up blank.
That fucking television
Sends a shiver up my spine
I look hard
These fucking images
Somehow seem more real
When I see them on the news
Like it is not really real
In solely my memory
Like sometimes
I am tricked
Into believing
It was all a dream.
Fucking tricked.
Fucking tricking
On Bourbon
For the next fucking fix.
Trading my body
And trading my soul
For a lifetime of damnation
But it was all fucking worth it
When I took that fucking needle
To my swollen fucking vein
And bam...
"Make it all go away..."
Make the fucking sickness go away
End all this pain and suffering
Vile bile
Yellow diarrhea
Burning my throat
My ass
My veins on fucking fire
Screaming at me
To just take it all away...
Make it all go away,
In the words of my hero
My once hero
That is.

Because now, my hero is me.
Stand tall
And face yet another fucking demon.
Just when I think
I am in the fucking clear...
Delve into this deluge.
Hold that blue hand once more
Cold and dead
So fucking hard, unbending
And heavy as hell.
I will never forget
The sound
Of a canoe
Dragging across linoleum
Heavy with sorrow.
Delve into the deluge
Examine those images
All over again
Really look at it,
Write it down,
And then discard that shit.
Throw it in the fucking trash.
I am gonna be the hero

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