Looking in,
A darkened window,
Shrouded in blood red velvety curtains
Darkened from both time
And corrosion.
Wow, I just found this in an old drafts folder. This is super powerful! I love it. I write poetry stream of consciousness, and this is just how it flows out. Sometimes, when I read back through it, it sucks. Other times, it is amazing. I love this one....
For so many years,
I kept that candle burning
But, it only helped to keep me in the dark,
Never, ever bringing light
And only driving that away
With the swells of sadness inside
The candle
Only caused me to dwell in the past...
And finally, finally...
I snuffed it out.
Damn, it took me some fucking time...
A lot of years clean
To even see the truth
A lot of years clean
To see it all for what it was really worth.
What under the bridge, you say?
I say we witnessed a fucking flood, baby.
We witnessed a catastrophic category 5
First hand.
And you think it was just a little water...
Some things can never be saved
And some things are lost forever.
And other things...are just better left alone.
For your shit was sucking me dry.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
New Blogpost, New Blog.
Hey guys! Hope everyone out there is doing well! I have started a new blog, Cognizance of Addiction and Recovery. I am actually hosting it on various platforms, in hopes to gain some more followers and readers for my work. Please come follow my new blog! The first post is already up! I will be posting about my addiction, as well as my recovery, several times a week. Most of the artwork on the blog is mine, as well. I have been working on design projects to go along with my writing, as well as some wonderful podcasting.
I am starting a new website, dedicated to opiate addiction and recovery, as well. I will keep you all updated, but much of the material will be the same on both venues for the next few months during the launch of the new website, It's All Junk.
Check out my podcasting here.
Follow Cognizance of Addiction and Recovery through Wordpress.
Follow Cognizance of Addiction and Recovery through Blogger.
See my latest post there now! Look to hear more from me. Oh, and you all can call me Eliza, rather than BMelonsLemonade! Much Love...Eliza Player
Thursday, August 2, 2012
My Memoir Is Available Through Amazon!!!
Finally, my book is available through Amazon, in a Kindle edition. You can always download the Kindle software onto your computer or smartphone. That is what I do, since I do not have a Kindle! Check it out! Click the link to see the book! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008RN322U....
Friday, May 4, 2012
Another Update
Hello, readers!
I have not posted here in so long! But, I feel like an update is due. I have been very, very busy lately!
I did not get into grad school, but I am still moving to Texas. I am so excited to be leaving at the end of the month. My parents are on board with my decision, which really means a lot to me. I know that this is the best decision for both me and my precious little boy. It seems I may finally be getting my fairytale ending. I thought for a long time that I was just not a fairytale ending type of person, but I think my Higher Power had other plans for me all along...and I realize that the life I have built over the last years is actually quite the fairytale. I once inhabited the dark and sinister world consumed by addiction and its disease, and my life now...is definitely a fairytale, of sorts.
When I first found out I did not get into grad school, I felt devastated. Shocked. Stunned. But, now that I look back on it, I realize my Higher Power had something else in mind for me. It is strange how things work out sometimes, and once you learn to look for the right signs to guide you...you realize, that it is always meant to be. EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
Shortly before I got the first rejection from grad school, I was asked to do so a few guest blog pieces for RecoveryNowTV. One woman who worked for them actually came across my writer's blog on Wordpress, and she contacted me, asking if I would be interested in guest blogging. I gave her a few posts. Later, she contacted me again, offering me a small blogging position. Paid position. I was ecstatic. After a while, I began curating their news page, as well as blogging and doing social media. I finally had a real job. I work full-time, from home. And I can do it anywhere- here, Texas, wherever. So, I can still move and do my job. Another reason my Higher Power is telling me that all this is meant to be in my life right now. And more importantly, I do what I love. I write. I read and curate news, and even write a few articles myself. And most importantly, the subject matter is so important to me. I felt like this job was the perfect thing for me to be doing. It combines my passion for writing, with my journalism background, and my experience with both addiction and recovery. I do some podcasting, and I love using some of the really cool new media techniques I learned when I went back to college. I also get to make a few graphics here and there! Again, I can thank my education for giving me those tools and skills.
What I did not anticipate about working for RecoveryNowTV is the personal reward that goes along with helping people...making a difference. Recently, many people have contacted me, for advice, or with their personal stories. My words have touched others, inspired them. And others have felt comfortable enough with the work I do to share their story with me. And their stories always inspire me. The power of shared experience in recovery is awesome! I have made so many inspiring personal contacts, too. Through my writing, people have reached out and asked me join some other recovery groups through Facebook, mostly. And on those pages, I have met some really inspiring and beautiful people. (One on my mind right now is Liz, another Sober Hillbilly friend of mine.) I have never felt so rewarded for what I have been doing before. It really is an amazing feeling to know that I am helping people...that my words also touch people.
As far as the book, I have decided to make it available through Amazon Kindle. I am actually beginning the process of the final edit, for now, anyway. It has been edited a number of times, but I know that it is not quite perfect yet. But, the editing at this point is rather minor. Then, I have to put it in the right format to load onto Kindle correctly. And finally, (the most exciting part to me right now!) is designing the cover. I have really been getting into doing some computer design work lately, and I love it. I have been designing a few graphics for my blog posts at RecoveryNowTV, and I am super excited about designing my own cover! I have no idea what I am going to do with it...but I will see the signs, maybe one night in a dream, or a weird, visual flash like I sometimes have when I am writing. I am also excited to put this project together. And Liam, if you are out there, reading this...I really would like you to know about this. I do not need consent, since the names and otherwise identifying details have already been changed, but I think in all fairness...you should be approached with the opportunity to read it before it goes onto Amazon.
So, I guess that is about it. I am finally happy. I am in love, and for the first time in my life...I know that I have a real future on this path I have chosen. Things have definitely fallen in place for me, in so many ways I never dreamed of...and all those ways are so meant to be. It all makes sense now. All the things that never made sense to me, all the things that I was unable to understand, finally make sense. I finally see what the plan was all along...and I realize that everything, each and every little thing happened for a reason. And that reason put me on the yellow brick road, so to speak (in fairytale terms.)
And...recovery is amazing.
Here is the link to the news page that I run. RecoveryNowTV News You can find all my personal writing under the "Voices in Recovery" tab at the top. But, I also curate all the news, so all the news articles are my work, too...but I cannot take credit for writing the articles themselves, I simply curate them for our website. It is a great resource for addiction and recovery news. I know some of you out there would really enjoy having this addiction and recovery news all in one spot. (I am thinking of VJ on this, in particular!) I post about six news stories a day, so it really keeps me up to date as to what is going on in the news in regards to addiction and recovery. I curate a few recovery pieces, a few news pieces that generally center more around addiction, as well as some informative pieces, often based in research and statistics. Each day, I try my hardest to put up a mix of the three. Along with a personal blog piece, several times a week. I would love it if some of you checked it out. If you like RecoveryNowTV on Facebook, you will get each news article and blog piece in your Facebook feed. All the comments are done through Facebook, rather than on the website, so Facebook has a lot of good interaction with others, lots of comments and debate, at times. It really is a great job. I love it. And I know this is what I am meant to be doing right now.
I hope that all of you out there in my Blogger community are doing well! I still read your posts, and keep up with your stories and your lives. And I hope some of you continue to enjoy my work through RecoveryNowTV. Much love to all. I may still post here occasionally, so this is not good-bye or anything like that...just a change of venue, I guess! This blog is what got me started writing again, and I think that through this blog I began to grow as a writer, a blogger, and a member of the recovery community. I began to realize the power being the world wide web recovery community, and this blog has catapulted me to a whole new level, as a writer and as a person. I did so much since I started this blog, like finishing school and writing a book. I think when I first started Hashish Dreams and Heroin Nightmares, I did not have the confidence to go out there and do things like that. But when I started telling my story, things began to change. I want to thank all of you because your words of encouragement were one of the first signs that I was on the right path. The friendships I gained through this blog, and the advice, and words of encouragement gave me the confidence I needed to take the leap of faith into writing, telling my story. And this blog became a stepping stone to a whole new world for me. A whole new career. A whole new life. Thank you all.
I have not posted here in so long! But, I feel like an update is due. I have been very, very busy lately!
I did not get into grad school, but I am still moving to Texas. I am so excited to be leaving at the end of the month. My parents are on board with my decision, which really means a lot to me. I know that this is the best decision for both me and my precious little boy. It seems I may finally be getting my fairytale ending. I thought for a long time that I was just not a fairytale ending type of person, but I think my Higher Power had other plans for me all along...and I realize that the life I have built over the last years is actually quite the fairytale. I once inhabited the dark and sinister world consumed by addiction and its disease, and my life now...is definitely a fairytale, of sorts.
When I first found out I did not get into grad school, I felt devastated. Shocked. Stunned. But, now that I look back on it, I realize my Higher Power had something else in mind for me. It is strange how things work out sometimes, and once you learn to look for the right signs to guide you...you realize, that it is always meant to be. EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
Shortly before I got the first rejection from grad school, I was asked to do so a few guest blog pieces for RecoveryNowTV. One woman who worked for them actually came across my writer's blog on Wordpress, and she contacted me, asking if I would be interested in guest blogging. I gave her a few posts. Later, she contacted me again, offering me a small blogging position. Paid position. I was ecstatic. After a while, I began curating their news page, as well as blogging and doing social media. I finally had a real job. I work full-time, from home. And I can do it anywhere- here, Texas, wherever. So, I can still move and do my job. Another reason my Higher Power is telling me that all this is meant to be in my life right now. And more importantly, I do what I love. I write. I read and curate news, and even write a few articles myself. And most importantly, the subject matter is so important to me. I felt like this job was the perfect thing for me to be doing. It combines my passion for writing, with my journalism background, and my experience with both addiction and recovery. I do some podcasting, and I love using some of the really cool new media techniques I learned when I went back to college. I also get to make a few graphics here and there! Again, I can thank my education for giving me those tools and skills.
What I did not anticipate about working for RecoveryNowTV is the personal reward that goes along with helping people...making a difference. Recently, many people have contacted me, for advice, or with their personal stories. My words have touched others, inspired them. And others have felt comfortable enough with the work I do to share their story with me. And their stories always inspire me. The power of shared experience in recovery is awesome! I have made so many inspiring personal contacts, too. Through my writing, people have reached out and asked me join some other recovery groups through Facebook, mostly. And on those pages, I have met some really inspiring and beautiful people. (One on my mind right now is Liz, another Sober Hillbilly friend of mine.) I have never felt so rewarded for what I have been doing before. It really is an amazing feeling to know that I am helping people...that my words also touch people.
As far as the book, I have decided to make it available through Amazon Kindle. I am actually beginning the process of the final edit, for now, anyway. It has been edited a number of times, but I know that it is not quite perfect yet. But, the editing at this point is rather minor. Then, I have to put it in the right format to load onto Kindle correctly. And finally, (the most exciting part to me right now!) is designing the cover. I have really been getting into doing some computer design work lately, and I love it. I have been designing a few graphics for my blog posts at RecoveryNowTV, and I am super excited about designing my own cover! I have no idea what I am going to do with it...but I will see the signs, maybe one night in a dream, or a weird, visual flash like I sometimes have when I am writing. I am also excited to put this project together. And Liam, if you are out there, reading this...I really would like you to know about this. I do not need consent, since the names and otherwise identifying details have already been changed, but I think in all fairness...you should be approached with the opportunity to read it before it goes onto Amazon.
So, I guess that is about it. I am finally happy. I am in love, and for the first time in my life...I know that I have a real future on this path I have chosen. Things have definitely fallen in place for me, in so many ways I never dreamed of...and all those ways are so meant to be. It all makes sense now. All the things that never made sense to me, all the things that I was unable to understand, finally make sense. I finally see what the plan was all along...and I realize that everything, each and every little thing happened for a reason. And that reason put me on the yellow brick road, so to speak (in fairytale terms.)
And...recovery is amazing.
Here is the link to the news page that I run. RecoveryNowTV News You can find all my personal writing under the "Voices in Recovery" tab at the top. But, I also curate all the news, so all the news articles are my work, too...but I cannot take credit for writing the articles themselves, I simply curate them for our website. It is a great resource for addiction and recovery news. I know some of you out there would really enjoy having this addiction and recovery news all in one spot. (I am thinking of VJ on this, in particular!) I post about six news stories a day, so it really keeps me up to date as to what is going on in the news in regards to addiction and recovery. I curate a few recovery pieces, a few news pieces that generally center more around addiction, as well as some informative pieces, often based in research and statistics. Each day, I try my hardest to put up a mix of the three. Along with a personal blog piece, several times a week. I would love it if some of you checked it out. If you like RecoveryNowTV on Facebook, you will get each news article and blog piece in your Facebook feed. All the comments are done through Facebook, rather than on the website, so Facebook has a lot of good interaction with others, lots of comments and debate, at times. It really is a great job. I love it. And I know this is what I am meant to be doing right now.
I hope that all of you out there in my Blogger community are doing well! I still read your posts, and keep up with your stories and your lives. And I hope some of you continue to enjoy my work through RecoveryNowTV. Much love to all. I may still post here occasionally, so this is not good-bye or anything like that...just a change of venue, I guess! This blog is what got me started writing again, and I think that through this blog I began to grow as a writer, a blogger, and a member of the recovery community. I began to realize the power being the world wide web recovery community, and this blog has catapulted me to a whole new level, as a writer and as a person. I did so much since I started this blog, like finishing school and writing a book. I think when I first started Hashish Dreams and Heroin Nightmares, I did not have the confidence to go out there and do things like that. But when I started telling my story, things began to change. I want to thank all of you because your words of encouragement were one of the first signs that I was on the right path. The friendships I gained through this blog, and the advice, and words of encouragement gave me the confidence I needed to take the leap of faith into writing, telling my story. And this blog became a stepping stone to a whole new world for me. A whole new career. A whole new life. Thank you all.
Friday, January 6, 2012
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