Here and Now

At first,
It was
Daring and fun
Back when
It was
Still innocent...
Just a little
Experimentation
Just dabbling.

I loved
The feeling
It gave me .
All warm
Inside.
Insulated
And carefree .
Feels
So fucking good
That all the bad
Seems
To just
Fade away.

Could I have known...
I would
End up
Poking around
To find a vein
In a dark alley,
Squatting
In an abandoned
Building,
Prostitution,
Dancing for money,
Crashing in
A sleazy motel
I think
They may rent
By the hour,
Abscesses,
And scars
On my arms,
My hands,
And even my neck,
Jobless,
And loveless,
And homeless,
And so damn Broken.

I do not
Wonder though...
If I had
Known
I am
Pretty sure
I would have
Done it
Anyway.

When I was there,
I fucking
Loved it.
Even now,
I miss it
Sometimes.
But not as much
As I love
My son
Now.
Not as much
As I love
My life
Now.

We all
Have regrets
And mine
Are deep and wide.
There are
Things I
Would change
And things
I would not.
Mostly
I am happy
To be
Here.
Blessed to be
Me.
And oh, so glad
To be free.